This thing isn't human

Recently I watched a movie called Splice. I'd been wanting to watch it for a while, practically ever since it came out. The movie was released in 2009 and was given a 37% on Rotten tomatoes by the audience. Which is completely understandable. It was quite the movie.

Just so you know, this review is going to contain spoilers, partially because it'd be hard to explain it otherwise and partially because I hope this gives you an excuse to never see Splice and gets rid of any desire you ever had to see the movie before.

Splice starts out pretty good. It's about a genetic experiment that goes wrong and the beginning of the movie is a lot of cool science experiments and stuff. You get to know the characters fairly well and it gives you some good background for the rest of the story.

Unfortunately, the actual plot doesn't make itself apparent until about halfway through the movie.

Once the science-experiment-gone-wrong is created (which happens to be  a partially human hybrid) it starts to get weird. It begins with the creators, a couple who live together(not sure if they're married), taking the creation home with them and dressing it up. See, they weren't supposed to create it and people are getting suspicious. So they sneak it out and take it home and start treating it like a child. They've named it Dren and decided that it's genetically a female. Sure, it's kinda cute at this point, look at them, they got a kid. Ain't it sweet.

Around then I stopped following. The woman creator starts getting random mood swings that we're supposed to assume are genetic. She starts taking her daddy issue anger out on Dren. Then the male creator discovers that woman creator used her own DNA in Dren because she wanted a child she comes could "control." He gets angry, they fight, woman creator cuts off Dren' s trail, which contains a dangerous spike. Man creator comes back when woman creator is gone and ends up having sex with Dren. Woman creator walks in on them and goes ballistic. She leaves, man follows soon after. They somehow make up, all is forgiven and they return to Dren to find that she's sick and dying. Dren dies, they bury her, and some dudes from the lab show up and are like "fess up and show us the thing." Creators go "she's dead bro, go dig her up yourself." 

But it doesn't stop there. Then something swoops out of the sky and grabs one of the lab guys. The other three follow and see that it's some sort of Dren incarnate. Other lab guy grabbed and killed (if you didn't guess, the other guy was too.) It then turns into essentially a horror movie with the two creators running from what turns out to be a male Dren. Male creator is knocked out and boy Dren pins down female creator. This is the point when I knew I really regretted watching this movie. The dialogue goes as follows:

 Female: What do you want?!?!

 Boy Dren: *distorted voice* Inside you...

It then starts having sex with her. Male creator stabs the thing through the chest, Dren stabs and kills the male with its tail thing, and female smashes Dren over the head with a rock, promptly kills it.

I thought the movie was over then, but then there is a flash forward. Some chick from the lab is talking to creator female, thanking her for helping them move on to the next phase. Creator chick stands up and OH SCHEIB she's pregnant.

Then it's the end, clearly open for a sequel I pray each night will never be created.

Overall, I recommend never seeing this movie. And no, I don't remember what the characters actual names were.

He's going the distance, he's going for speed

I usually consider myself a good driver. I use my turn signal, I watch out for other drivers, I only go five miles over the speed limit at most. Driving is fun and as long as you do it safely, I have no problem with you or your car. But accidents are scary, and many people either have not experienced them or have somehow miraculously forgotten how terrifying they can be. 

Just today, we were driving to Minnesota. Long distance driving is somewhat safer compared to street driving. But man, there are some idiots out there. There are many reasons why I might choose to hate someone, and about 68% of those reasons are the way you drive. 

1. Not using turn signals: The reason you have turn signals is to alert other drivers as to what your next move is. No one is a mind reader, and it's your responsibility to let others know if you are going to be changing directions. I know, it's so much more effort to move your hand to turn it on and if it doesn't automatically turn off, it's such an ordeal to have to do it manually. But seriously. Just use your turn signals. 
2. Driving under the speed limit: Hey guess what. It doesn't get you bonus points. That trooper sitting on the side of the road isn't going to give you a negative ticket for going five under. All it does is piss other drivers off. I will tailgate you if you go under the speed limit. The only time I consider it acceptable is if the driving conditions are hazardous, like rain, snow, or fog.
3. Not using lights when necessary: Let's just be grownups here. If you can't see your speedometer, then your lights should be on. If you can see stars, YOUR LIGHTS SHOULD BE ON. It's common sense people, come on. 
4. Not being in the correct lane: They teach this in drivers ed, I can assure you. And it's also common sense. On high speed roads, such as the interstate, slower traffic drives in the right most lane, and the left ones are essentially for passing. Don't just drive the speed limit down the left most lane. You will see lots of birds.  
5. Not keeping speed consistent:  That pointy thing that points at numbers on your dashboard, that tells you how fast you're going. And if you push your foot down or let your foot up, your speed is going to change. So try super hard to keep your little footsie still and you just might be able to keep your speed consistent and make the world a better place. 
6. Cutting people off: You might not have even cut me off. Nonetheless, I now consider you close to a spawn of Satan and should have your license revoked. If you cut ME off, you are Satan and should just be sent promptly back to Hell. It's like that one saying: "Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." Don't endanger my life and my passengers' lives because you should have been in a different lane. 

Paper or plastic?

This year, I had my Christmas early. Due to traveling, we decided to give gifts within our household family a few days early. And from my parents, I received a Kindle. 

I've been kind of reluctant to switch to electronic readers. I've never really felt the need to do so. I've always loved real books. Each book's style is different, I feel, from the way it's produced. The cover, the style of font, the size of the font, the size of the pages, and even the spacing between the lines helps contribute to the book's character. My goal in life is to, in fact, have my own library. Like one from the Disney Beauty and the Beast. Two story tall, spiral staircases, floor-to-ceiling shelves, rolling ladders, the whole deal. There's just something about holding a book that's made just to be read. I absolutely love it.

But my parents apparently decided that now was the time for me to go digital. I got one of those fancy dancey color light up touch screen Kindles. It's practically just a tablet. I've got Facebook, Twitter, even Netflix on it. It's the perfect gift, even for people who don't like to read books. 

So far, I like it. I don't have many books on it yet, just some freebees I found so far, but I'm guessing it'll be okay. It'll take some time to get used to it, like turning the pages with a swipe of my finger instead of physically lifting  paper. It's something different, but it's probably one of the better inventions of the decade. 

Wherever I may roam

If I had one wish, I sometimes think it would be an infinite amount of money. Not to build a big house, buy lots of cars, and just be rich in general. I would use it to see the world. 

But I would do it differently. I wouldn't just fly from airport to airport, staying in hotels. I would actually live all around the world. 

I would probably start in the United States. I'd pick some small town, buy a little house in the countryside, and live there for a while. But I'd get bored eventually. 

Then I'd just pick myself up and leave. Because I'd be able to do that, with all the money I had. I would probably just take a map, pin it up on the wall, and throw a dart. Wherever I hit (provided that it was not open sea) I would live, until I got bored again. 

I could live a variety of lifestyles too. In India, I could live in crowded New Delhi, in the open fields of the Scottish moor, or in a little mountain town in the Alps. 

Essentially, the world would be my oyster.

And I would rock it. 
I could do anything I wanted to. Skydiving? Yep. Deep sea diving? Of course. Trek across Antarctica? Why not. Almost nothing would be impossible. 

It's what we all dream of. The freedom to do what we want, when we want to. It's why we keep living. We hope for the day when we'll reach that perfect happiness, where we reach the point when we're completely satisfied. It really is unattainable, but we just keep striving for it because that's how we're wired. We're designed to keep hoping for that better day, when we won't worry anymore or be anxious about what's to come. 

We just keep striving for it.    

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit

This past weekend, I got to see the movie "The Hobbit." And it was simply fantastic. Sure it had it's flaws. But don't all movies?

From what I understand, the movie differed quite a bit from the actual book by J. R. R. Tolken. Many LotR fans are not happy about that. But you also have to see it from the perspective of those who haven't seen the movie. Sure, a lot has been left out, but would it really have contributed to the story? It may have just confused those of us who aren't quite as well read.

The second complaint I've heard a lot is that it's very long. And it was. But they already sacrificed accuracy to the book. I think it's only fair that we give them a bit more time. I don't really think there was a huge lot that they could have cut and still had it make sense. 

The last complaint I know of is that it doesn't have enough action. However, this movie wasn't really about the action. It was about character development. It was introducing  the viewer to the characters, in hopes that they'd have already seen the other movies or would choose to go see them. They did do a good job of incorporating action/battles/fighting into the movie, I thought. They made it suspenseful, had you on the edge of your seat for most of it. They do remember who they are trying to cater to. But they also wanted to keep those who aren't expecting or wanting a bunch of fighting happy. It's quite courteous. 

Overall, I thought the movie was very well done. I've seen the other movies, though long ago, and this one really fit in well. It was a true "LotR" movie. It was essentially the prequel to the first Lord of the Rings movie, or if you really want to get technical about it, the prequel to the first Lord of the Rings book. It really gave some good background that helped me understand the characters in the later movies better and it gave me key connection points where I thought, "Hey, that was in the other movie(s)!"  

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

So I realize that there're only twelve days until Christmas. But I'm really starting to get into the spirit. Christmastime has some really great aspects for everyone, those who celebrate it or not.

1. The music- I get that no one likes department stores playing Christmas music in October, or even early November. But it's the time of the year when most stores actually play quality music. The rest of the year, stores will play either whatever "the kids" are listening to nowadays, or crappy elevator music. There're so many other good genres that could be played that wouldn't offend anyone when not near Christmas, such as jazz, classical, orchestral, etc. But they choose not to. So only during Christmas do I find store music to be acceptable.
2. The movies- Christmas movies are always fantastic. From Home Alone to Miracle on 34th Street, there's a Christmas movie out there for anyone. Even Elf, which I find to be utterly horrifying any other time of the year is tolerable during Christmastime. These movies are heartwarming breaks from our usual dreary lives. They help us remember the spirit of Christmas, or at least that's what they try to do. 
3. The gift giving- I absolutely love it. I get that you kind of have to celebrate Christmas to enjoy this one, but shhhhh. I really enjoy picking out gifts for people. Just thinking that I might've improved their day just a little bit by giving them something just really makes my own day. I like thinking of what they might like and getting it for them. I don't know, it's just fun. 
4. The food- Admit it. The food's probably the best part. The Christmas cookies. The candy canes. The fudge. The holiday themed Starbucks drinks. They're all fantastic. It's the one time of the year when you find yourself searching for excuses to eat. I mean, come on. It's getting cold outside. I could use a little more insulation, right? Totally.    
5. The family- Alright, this one's a bit of a stretch. But there are those lucky few of you out there who only see their family on Christmas and don't have to spend any more of your break with them. But it's always great to see family, whether they annoy you to no end or not. You have to cherish them, because they won't always be with you. So don't take that for granted.
6. The activities- Sledding, skiing, snowboarding, snowball fights, whatever your cup of tea is, they're all great. Sure, it's cold as the Grinch's heart outside, but the time spend with friends or family doing these things are memories that you'll always remember. 
7. The snow- White Christmases are the best. If it doesn't snow for Christmas, it's quite depressing. And it looks like it might not this year, which is too bad. But when it does snow, it's beautiful. Snow falling at night, it's probably one of the prettiest things in this world. Snow also makes all of those awesome activities above possible. So that's another plus. 

So no matter whether or not you celebrate Christmas, consumer Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, whatever Islamic holiday is around Christmas this year, or don't celebrate anything at all, there're always benefits to living in the great country we call the United States of America around Christmastime.     

In Response To "Extroverts Will Inherit the Earth"

This week, my dear friend Finley posted on his blog a post titled Extroverts Will Inherit the Earth. Intrigued, and told that my name was spelled out in the first letters of the sentences of the third paragraph, I decided to read it. And boy was I in for a treat. 

It opens with Finley's observation that he had been hanging out with introverts as of late. He then expresses in his confusion of why one would choose to be an introvert because "don't think that it's not a matter of choice, because it totally is." 

So lets begin there. As one of the people Finley was referring to as in introvert, I feel I can give some insight. First, do you know the definition of "introvert?" Webster helpfully defines and introvert as "one whose personality is characterized by introversion." Introversion is then defined as "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life." This is when I got confused. Because the people our friend Finley usually interacts with are not introverts by that definition. They could more easily be identified as shy (Merriam-Webster definition) or as asocial individuals (rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction). It's not that the reason they don't talk to others is that they are focused on themselves. They more just don't like people or have trouble talking to people.

I'll describe myself as an example. When in a group setting, no matter how long or short a time that I've known the people for, I'll always worry about their judgement of me. I'll ask myself if they think I'm annoying or if they're actually interested in what I have to say or if they even like me. Then I'll have this inner mini-panic/anxiety attack where I feel as though I want to run away and just hibernate or something. It very much might be a mental state of mind. But if I could change, I would at the drop of a hat. I hate feeling that way and very much wish that I could be one of the outgoing people who didn't care what anyone thought of them (or appear that way.)

Finley then goes on to say that he thinks that introverts miss out on a lot. I don't feel that's the case. His reasoning is that his high school experience wouldn't be the same without the group of friends he has. And that's true. But all of these so called introverts he knows has friends because we do somewhat talk to people and there are obnoxiously outgoing people like him who look for quieter people to befriend/annoy. 

We can all just ignore the third paragraph though, as it is just a sad attempt to write my name with the first letter of each sentence. 

His last point is that it's good to be loud and outgoing. That may be. But that doesn't mean it's bad to be quieter. By not talking, by not being the center of attention, you can catch a lot. And what would the world be like with out all the listeners to listen to all the talkers? A horrible, horrible place. 

So the next time you see someone quiet, not really talking to anyone, don't be so quick to judge. Those people just might not be as good at starting conversations, or they might enjoy sitting and watching the world go by. Don't be so inclined to call them introverts, just because they aren't "[going] through the halls screaming about [their] love for turtles with a pink sequined cowboy hat on and the breeze blowing through [their] knees in [their] nice new kilt." 

It's raining, it's snowing

I realize I just posted about Iowa weather a little while ago. But I have to do it again.

This morning I got up, looked outside, and saw the ground was wet. That either meant that it had rained, snowed and melted, or there had been fog.

Turns out it was a mix of the three. I really wish at this point that Iowa would just make up it's mind. Is it winter? Spring? Fall? Goodness gracious. Decide already. 

Once it hits December, I believe that it's socially acceptable to begin to snow. It needs to at least snow on or before Christmas, because everyone loves a white Christmas. And when it's this cold, I'd rather have the ground a pretty white (for a while) than it just being wet and gross. 

See, snow can be a wonderful thing. It can be beautiful. It provides for awesome activities, like sledding, skiing, snowboarding, and snowman making. It allows for ammo for those snowball fights we all know you still participate in. 

But snow has to come at just the right time. If it comes too early, we will tire of it quickly, and by February be begging and praying for the sun to shine and melt all the hated snow away. If it comes too late, say after Christmas, it's just depressing because snow is half of what Christmas is about. 

So I ask one thing of you. If you live in Iowa, please perform the annual snow dance ritual. I seriously want snow now.

Happy generic-wintertime-holiday to you

With the coming "holiday season," there's a feeling of electricity in the air. It could be from all the school-aged students anticipating the beginning of break. It could be from the anxious and stressed adults trying to make sure to buy their children the right presents from Santa. It could simply be from the lack of humididty in the air. Nonetheless, we can all feel it.

We all looked forward to it as children. No matter what religion or lack of religion, we all anticipated the winter break. Back then, for me, it was called Christmas break. But times have changed, and that's no longer socially acceptable/politically correct. It's now called "holiday break" or just "winter break." And I find that ridiculous.

The first reason is this: IT HAPPENS FOR CHRISTMAS. No matter what, the 25th is always smack dab in the middle of it. There are no other holidays during that break except for New Year, which is simply celebration of a new year arriving, no religious strings attatched. But it's not called, has never been called, and will never be called "New Year break."

"But wait!" you shout. "What about Hanukkah?" I respond by telling you to sit down and shut up, it's story time. Not really. I suppose it's more of a history lesson. Does anyone who is not of the Jewish faith here know the story of Hanukkah? I suppose some might. It is a celebration festival for a miricle that occurred a long, long time ago. After rebuilding their temple, the Jewish needed olive oil to light their menorah. But they only had enough oil to burn for one day. Miraculously, the candles burned for eight days, until a new supply of oil was able to arrive. The Jewish religious leaders declared it a miracle and created Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, to celebrate it. Pretty cool history, huh? Too bad it's not that big of a deal in Jewish culture. It's not that significant of a holiday. In basic Christianity, we don't have a holiday like that because we don't really celebrate the minor(ish) miracles. I'm not saying it's bad to do so, I'm just saying this: Hanukkah's not that big of a deal. It's mostly so well known because it falls relatively close to Christmas some years. This year, not so much. Hanukkah this year is from December 8th to December 14th. Little off. If we really cared that much about valuing Jewish holidays, why don't we celebrate Passover? It's one of the most widely observed Jewish holiday. But let's be honest. We really only like Hanukkah because gives us a way to seem like "holiday break" is for everyone.

"Okay, but what about Kwanzaa? I remember Kwanzaa from elementary school," you might say. And that's cool and all. But what is Kwanzaa? Pugetsound.edu describes Kwanzaa, saying it's "An African American and Pan-African holiday celebrating family, community and culture, Kwanzaa is a secular observance with some religious participation." It's essentially a holiday simply created around the time that Christmas was to let others feel included (and once again, I'm not bashing it, I'm just sayin' it as I sees it.) It was created because of Christmas.

"Well, isn't there some Islamic holiday around there?" you question. Not really. There's Eid al-Adha, which occurs around October this year. The last time it occurred around Christmas was in 2006, when it was celebrated between December 30th and 31st. This is largely due to the difference in the Islamic calendar and the Gregorian calendar that most of the English speaking world uses. So sure, every once in a blue moon Eid will occur around Christmas.

So let's face the facts. It's Christmas break. Stop with the fake equality thing. You know you don't give a damn about any of the other holidays.

Oh the weather outside is frightful

I don't know where you are, where you are from, or where you are going. But if I could give you one piece of advice, that would be this: don't go back to Iowa, get out of Iowa, or don't go to Iowa.

There are many reasons to go to Iowa. There are also many reasons to leave Iowa. Overall though, there is one huge reason to stay very far away from this glorious cornfield of a state. The weather.

"What are you talking about?" you ask. "Isn't Iowa weather perfect for growing corn or cows or potatoes or whatever it is you hicks do?" 

Goodness gracious no. Weather in Iowa is about as unpredictable and unstable as a twelve girl sleepover. A typical November/Decemeber day goes as follows.

7:00 AM: Freezing. What is this even. I'm pretty sure I'm breathing in solid oxygen it's so cold.
10:00 AM: Wow, it's pretty nice out here. Maybe I'll take off that parka I had to wear this morning.
12:00 PM: Just kidding, where are my hat and mittens?
3:00 PM: Why did I even wear jeans today? I should be wearing shorts now. Anyone want to hit up the pool?
5:00 PM: Oh look at that snow. It's quite pretty.
8:00 PM: The news station just issued a report saying that you may freeze to death if you stay outside for more than three minutes.

Weather's pretty unpredictable in Iowa. Even from year to year, we never know what to expect for our seasons. Some years, winter starts in October. Others we don't get our first snowfall until January. Spring is pretty much just an extended winter, with a lot more slush and muck. Summer is a mix of rain and humidity. Fall is our really only constant season in that the leaves always eventually fall off. 

Take this weekend for example. Yesterday, there was almost freezing temperatures, rain, and overcast clouds. Today, it was clear as your mother's disdain for everything you enjoy. Nice temps, not a drop of rain at all, and certainly no snow, despite being the second of December. 

So if you love unpredictability, being surprised, and having to change how many layers you wear hourly, then Iowa is the place for you! Otherwise, I suggest you move to Arizona. Sure it's a bit hot, but at least you know it is always going to be hot.