Rule #32: Enjoy the little things

Who even knows when the whole thing started? Maybe it started with the movie Dawn of the Dead. Some could argue it started just recently with the publishing of The Zombie Survival Guide. But now, the zombie craze is spread across the nation. However, that question doesn’t matter as much as the next one. What is your plan in case of a zombie apocalypse? 

We’ve all thought of it. By now, you’ve had to. If you haven’t, you might want to. You know just in case. 

I think the zombie apocalypse would start quietly, but soon it would hit the media. That would be when I would make my first move. And I’d have to hurry. My first action would be to go to some large wholesale store like Sam’s Club and just buy everything that was relatively non-perishable. Water, individually packaged snacks and granola bars, beef jerky, anything with a relatively good nutritional value and would last a while. I would have to get out and buy all this before the crowds however, which could be tricky. So I would have to shop at the first sign of zombies in the media, before the skeptical decide it’s real and before store owners decide that the money’s not worth it. 

My next move, if I had time, would be to go to some sporting goods store and buy guns (if I could legally), bows, or even baseball bats; anything that could inflict damage without actually needing to get too close. Then, I would batten down the hatches and wait it out Zombieland-style. In that modern cinematic masterpiece, the main character simply isolated himself and waited it out. He waited until things “calmed down” in a way and the density of zombies was less. We have one of those attics with the retractable steps. I would make a temporary house up there, barricade the lower floors’ windows and doors with whatever I could and wait it out. I’d probably want to work on getting a little more fit too; my running has never been the best. 

Once I deemed it relatively safe to leave, I would make my move. Except not really. I would just wander around, looking for others (maybe) but really just looking for cool places. It would be like one everlasting road trip with target practice included. I’d get a car or a bike or a golf cart or something. My best bet would probably be to head north, where there are fewer people and more animals that I could hunt if I needed to resort to that. I would try to stick to finding food left in grocery stores and the like, but let’s be honest, bread tastes best when it’s squishy and doesn’t look a little fuzzy. 

I would probably look for some abandoned little cabin in the middle of the Canadian woods; right by a lake or river would be preferable. It’d be pretty nice. 

You know, it’s as Dwight Schrute once said. “There’s too many people on this earth – we need a new plague.”